Things have been crazy lately. 2013 has been a nightmare in many ways already, but has also been full of tons of opportunities and new experiences. With training at full swing and massage therapy school making me run around like a chicken with its’ head cut off I have been having trouble keeping up with all of the different aspects of this blog that I have wanted to accomplish. Does this make me a little upset? Yes! Will I let it get to me? Nope! Want to know why? Because I know that obstacles are going to happen, so I take each bump in the road as an experience that will keep allowing me to progress in my personal and business life. Not letting bumps get in our way is an issue that many struggle with. I believe a lot of it comes from the fact that many of us allow others to get under our skin. We allow ourselves to seek the approval of others. What comes from gaining others approval? Many will say that it is a form of acceptance and helps us; I beg to differ and actually feel that this approval seeking from someone else is actually a negative aspect and keeps many from reaching their potential in many aspects of their lives.
Seeking Approval From Others:
Like many aspects that I talk about, there is a time and place to seek the approval of others, but overall this aspect is far overused and self-defeating. Time to break it down a bit and take a look at different aspects that we often don’t take into consideration before we begin seeking that approval.
Who is to tell you what works for you? / Who knows what is best for you?
Let’s take a look at this question for a minute. If you are looking to lose weight and lost a bunch of weight, but I come over to you and say “you are not skinny enough”, why is that justifiable? Why does my word mean anything? If you are satisfied with how you look than what I say shouldn’t mean a single damn thing. Take some pride in what you do for yourself, it is your life and your life alone to live. It is completely different if a family member is worried about you (for health reasons) and voices their opinion with the state of your health as their main concern.
Too often we seek the approval of others based off physical appearance reasons. Do you want to be happy with yourself? STOP LISTENING TO OTHERS! Be happy with yourself. If you are not happy with yourself then make a change! Make that change because you are not happy NOT because someone else is not happy with you. This doesn’t have to just apply to physical appearance, it can go across every aspect of life. I have people chiming in my ear all of the time that “You are running yourself into the ground.” or “You are doing too much and not having enough fun” and you know what? It goes in one ear and out of the other. I have never been happier than what I am right now. I am in the best place I have ever been in my life and things are going amazing. I work a lot and do a lot, but never once have I been stressed out about everything I am doing. I get to change people’s lives on a daily basis, how can I stop now? I LOVE WHAT I DO. If I was to listen to what everyone is telling me, how many lives would not be positively changed if I was to slow down?
What benefits are actually gained from looking for approval from someone else?
There may be some debate on this question, but like I mentioned already, I believe that there is very little benefit. Looking for approval isn’t the way to go. Asking an individual how to progress yourself forward to accomplish what you want to finish that on the other hand is a much better approach. Don’t seek approval, rather surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed. If someone wants you to change and isn’t for a reason that is for your own personal safety or health, question their reason right off the bat. Don’t take everything someone says to you as the all mighty word.
You need to accomplish things for yourself and others second. We have a very short time on this planet, so always seeking approval from others isn’t going to get you anywhere fast. Seeking that constant approval isn’t going to allow you to gain confidence in yourself, which is needed in order to have that drive and determination to be able to accept and overcome many obstacles that the game called life throws at us!
I have posted this quote before and will again, especially how relevant it is to this post!
“But all I ever settled for is that we’re born to live and then to die, and… we got to do it alone, each in his own way. And I guess that’s why we got to love those people who deserve it like there’s no tomorrow. ‘Cause when you get right down to it – there isn’t.” – Louden Swain
Get out there and do things for yourself! You will be shocked at how much you can accomplish when you stop seeking the approval of others and just accomplish what you want to do!
Are your best interests their top priority or is there some bias?
This is the biggest question that needs to be taken into consideration. A lot of my clients will tell me about individuals in their family make some type of comment about “you have too much muscle now”, “you are too skinny now”, “women shouldn’t lift heavy”, etc… all of this is garbage. Even in these cases it is their family that are making these statements, it doesn’t provide anymore validity. Do you feel that you are too skinny or muscular? Well then…guess what? YOU ARE NOT! It is all about what you feel and that is all that should matter. If family or friends don’t support you for what you enjoy then ignore them or tell them to not voice their opinion on something that they clearly don’t fully understand. Many times these words may be from a complete lack of understanding, but can also be done due jealousy.
We need to realize that often at times, especially when you are going against the grain, there will be some individuals that will try to hold you down, whether they know they are or not. Your top priorities will rarely ever be the top priority of another person. As long as your priority is having no serious negative consequence on a loved one then there is no real reason that they shouldn’t support you. If there is no support, like I have stated prior, find it elsewhere. Find a mentor (I wrote a piece on the importance of a mentor a few months ago) or a group of individuals that have a similar viewpoint, it makes a big difference!